Responding to Discouraging Family and Friends

August 17, 2016 at 11:04 am | Breakups | No comment

Though hard to believe, family and friends seeking to intervene one's return to an ex have the best of intentions.

Though hard to believe, family and friends seeking to intervene one’s return to an ex have the best of intentions.

Returning to an ex brings a variety of responses from close family and friends. They often quickly insert their opinions, even when not been requested. One needs to proceed with caution in dealing with loved ones seeking to share their concerns and be protective. Because of the delicate nature, it become imperative to understand why they act the way they do, how one should absorb their words and actions and then how to move forward.

Why they do it?

Though hard to believe, family and friends seeking to intervene one’s return to an ex have the best of intentions. Their behavior makes witnessing their kindness as with a bit of selfishness. This makes understand their motivations infinitely more important.

* Best Interests: Especially post a bad break up, they likely saw the fallout of the ending of the relationship. Factors, major like infidelity or benign like general disrespect, can cause them throw themselves into the breach, even without being asked. Keeping their love in mind will help couch their actions in the right category.

* Numerical Support: From a strictly mathematical standpoint, most couples attempting to rekindle a romance end up in the same fractured end a second, third or thirtieth time. The old standard “it would have worked out the first time if it was meant to be” can be trotted out for almost any circumstance helping them to feel they are correct.

* Painless Process: They likely believe getting back with an ex will bring about more pain and would prefer giving a new relationship a chance over a return to old ground. This can be more acute if they were involved bolstering up one after the devastation left by the end.

How to respond?

With a temptation to ignore their concern, one should avoid the easy avenue. Family and friends provide a trusted outside opinion. Tuning out their counsel because it may come across as painful or harsh cuts off an important source of information. Depending on the nature of the relationship, treading carefully, listening closely and weighing their advice may bring about a clearer picture into what occurred and could be on the horizon.

What to do?

This step tends to be the most complicated as the response may cause strife. Sometimes the anxiety happens in the gut. Other times, moving forward may estrange family and friends. The key is to minimize either response.

* Say Thanks: An act of gratitude acknowledges the care expressed by a family member or friend. They will likely feel heard if they are thanked for having the courage to share their heart with you.

* Keep Them in the Loop: This can be challenging because it means they will possess access to deeper moments. Trusting them with the ongoing story helps them see changes in one’s ex and might ease future interactions.

* Make Your Own Decision: In the end, the decision being made involves two individuals. A family member or friend will understand one’s desire to be happy and will want what is best in the situation. This will be easier if they have been genuinely heard and acknowledged.

Friends and family hold special places within one’s life. They cannot be ignored without causing severe damage to the relationship. It is important to remember not to damage one relationship for another. Trades, such as that, never end well. Family and friends possess insight, so listen closely to them. In the end, the best thing for everyone is being loved and respected on every level.

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