January 6, 2015 at 4:57 pm | Ex Back | No comment
Heartbreak – undeniably one of the worst feelings you will ever experience in life.
Is it worth it? After crying a river of tears, eating gallons of ice cream, and hiding all your couple’s pictures fear of triggering the unbearable pain; the short answer is no.
And then, after a bit of time passes and the pain lessens, you unexpectedly get a text. It’s your ex-boyfriend claiming how much he misses you and asks if the two of you can talk.
Once you catch your breath, you’re mind goes into overdrive with a million questions. Should you text him back? What if he hurts you again? On the other hand – what if he truly is your soul mate and you were meant to be together forever?
Before you start to panic, take a deep breath and relax. There are some questions you must ask yourself before you actually decide what to do. There’s a reason (or several) you’re not together right now.
You must honestly examine those reasons and weigh them against who you are. In other words, what are you willing to tolerate and/or sacrifice of yourself to be with this person and is it really worth it?
Why Did You Break Up in the First Place?
This is perhaps the most important question you need to answer. The answer probably falls into one of two categories: either you or he (or both) overstepped a boundary in the heat of the moment or there are irreconcilable differences that are just now surfacing.
Irreconcilable differences would include cheating, one of you doesn’t want children, and of course physical or mental abuse in any form. If the issues are more chronic in nature, maybe you are better off without him. Be honest.
What Part Did You Play in the Breakup? Are You Guilty?
You must acknowledge and take ownership of your own faults in the relationship. If you are putting full blame on your partner and absolutely none on yourself, is that completely accurate?
The chances of a successful reconciliation are much higher if everyone comes clean and the whole truth and nothing but the truth comes out – no matter how bad it hurts.
Do You Miss Him, or Do You Miss Being in a Relationship?
Depending on how long you were with your partner, suddenly being alone can be overwhelming, especially at first. Besides the pain of heartbreak, there’s the fear of dating again, along with going everywhere alone.
Consider the possibility you may only want him back to fill the void of loneliness rather than actually missing his mind, body, and soul. What if you take some time to get back on your feet, and ultimately end up finding someone who’s more suitable for you?
Don’t go back to your ex for the wrong reasons. Loneliness is not a reason to go back if he’s not truly the one for you.
What’s Changed Since You Were Together? How Are Things Different Now?
Has anything changed since your breakup? Is the third party out of the picture now? Has he stopped drinking? Did you go back to work? If both your circumstances are still the same, a successful reunion is unlikely.
Was Your Relationship Just a Long-time Habit?
Maybe you’ve been together forever and your relationship developed into a habit rather than a loving union between two people. If this is the case, don’t waste any more of your time or his. Life is too short to simply settle for someone and perhaps it’s best you both moved on.
Does He Really Miss You, or Does He Need a Booty Call?
As much as this hurts, you must turn him down if all he wants is temporary physical pleasure from you. Once you reconnect physically, it may stir up any unclear emotions and/or passions that will only confuse you even further.
Getting back together for the short term will only lead to more heartache down the road and stop all progress of your emotional recovery.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to be crystal-clear honest, not only with him, but with yourself as well. There is probably fault on both sides.
Take things slow, think everything through, and understand you must be happy within yourself before you can make anyone else happy.
If you two were truly meant to be together – it will happen.
You know that little voice in your head? That’s intuition. Never ignore it, always listen to it, and do exactly what it says.
Don’t you agree?