November 22, 2014 at 8:33 pm | featured | No comment
You are longing to reconnect with your ex boyfriend but maybe he is not responding. Of course, you have thought of a thousand ways to elicit his response and some of them may even work, but will it be temporary or permanent?
Of course the right mindset is to first make internal and external changes and re-attract him like a classy woman, instead of trying to be needy, desperate and afraid of loosing him.
Through my consulting program I teach my clients how to change his perception of you in a way that he will be the one who contacts you with reconciliation reasons.
So here are 11 tips to improve your chance of receiving a response from him OR to be contacted by him first.
There is a way in which his mind works and a system to follow if you want to be your ex boyfriend’s top priority. Here are a few pointers that can help you make him respond.
Over-texting is not going to work. When he is not responding to a single text, he won’t do so to a multitude of texts or calls. Moreover, he will get irritated at this constant intrusion into his space, will paint you as a desperate and needy woman who simply can’t exist without him. Avoid this kind of behavior with all cost. No matter how deeply you miss him.
Think how irritated you feel by a persuasive salesman trying to buy his product when you have made yourself clear you won’t have it the first time itself. Leave him alone, let the memories emerge to create nostalgic feelings in him and soon he will be instinctually inclined to contact you.
The question is: Why will he contact you or respond to you soon after the breakup? You going through hell after your breakup but we men after the split feel liberated, even happy. Only after a while we start to realize what actually happened and feel the pain of loosing the woman of our dreams. So you need to let us miss you, which takes time. In many cases around a month.
So IF you let him, he will be as heart-broken as you. Soon, he will realize that something is wrong with the state of affairs.
When he finds out that you are more than okay without him and not trying to text or call, he will largely think about making a move across.
Do not be obsessive with responses. Your boyfriend has a life like other people. He may be busy with his family, dining; in the gym working out, watching a favorite tv show or movie or be out on a work trip.
You have to consider these situations before making conclusion or becoming too fussy about it. Do not carry excessive expectation.
I know it’s much harder to do than said but let the Universe handle this part.
If you trying to find reasons why he’s not texted you back right away, then certainly you will find many reasons. Reasons that are probably not true. You will torture yourself in wain.
The best way is to leave a text or a missed call and let him decide whether he wishes to revert to you (if you need to contact him). When he will feel your absence, there is a great chance he will respond.
Do not use wrong tactics, like falsely suggesting the illness of somebody in your family he holds dear or asking for a favor you know he won’t refuse. He might respond to that urging but will not take this in good humor if he finds you were bluffing. So, unless things actually demand his attention, refrain from these tactics.
Make yourself content with life (at least it should appear to him so). Try to be happy and social whenever he spots at you. Be in your best attire and have an aura of positivity around you. People have this natural tendency to get back to happy people rather than to an agony aunt. Nobody wants to be around a depressed and a needy person. Not even your ex boyfriend who was in love with you. (he still is, just the negative emotions are stronger right now than his love)
It is a question of positive vibes (fake or genuine) that are projected outside through social media, common friends, social life, male orbiters, internal and external makeovers and so on. (even if it’s very hard to do after your breakup)
You may try to improve on something he started. Something he is passionate about and made you an integral part of, but is currently not able to invest time in. It may be a blog, a business or important but forgotten project.
When he finds a suggestive improvement there, and know that you are behind that improvement, he will automatically feel warmth and indebtedness to you. Response will come naturally. A few things in life are more important than ego.
This is very important. Assess what whim or habit of yours would put him off and eventually led to your separation. In other words after you feel better emotionally, prepare yourself to discover the reason or reasons behind your breakup.
You may be too persuasive, too needy, too touchy, too emotional, too fussy or obsessive or too prim.
Try toning down that habit and make sure, in a subtle way, that he or your mutual friends realize that you have changed. He will eventually know of it first-hand or second. Since that was the primary reason for your separation, he will not have doubts to get back to you.
Internal change is the key to get your ex boyfriend back for life.
You should take things at a time. After a while, his feelings, his thoughts, your internal and external changes, your text message at the right time, your mutual friends; they will all apply considerable, if indirect, pressure on him to get back to you. Wait for the day when you win him back and don’t rush it just because you need him.
The old tactic to break the ice ‘again’ is to text him something he won’t believe or will be delighted to hear. Of course after your No Contact period has ended.
For instance, a dud in your family finally passing his graduation exams that reminds him of a pleasant memory with you or you having a couple’s pass to a live show he has always been dying to be an audience of. He will be tempted to respond.
After your No Contact period, send first a text to establishing positive rapport with him. I call this first type of text the Indian Smoke Signal text. Others have different name for it but the rapport establishing idea behind it is the same.
A good example would be: “I’m headed out to Glacier National Park this weekend. Reminds me of that crazy winter camping trip we did.”
You can learn more text examples like this via my newsletter.
It may be an evocation of the happy times you shared; the goals you had in common, the names of future kids you took time to think of; the special places where you two created powerful memories.
He will automatically relate to days he really enjoyed your company or love. He will feel suddenly the passion element, triggered by this memory. Even if he will not respond at first it will be impossible for him to stop the flood of memories. And memories, aka his thoughts will create the nostalgic feelings in his heart. Chances are high that he will seek a change and respond.
If there was power in your love, have faith. It is still tickling him. He don’t want to move to another girl; he just wants time to think about your relation. And if he will suddenly, that’s probably because he wants to suppress his emotions of missing you by a rebound relationship. In most cases rebounds won’t last more than a few weeks, so there is a high chance that his plan of finding a “replacement” will fail.
So give him and yourself time to heal & change and the results will, most likely, be positive. You will get him back.
If you need guidance with re-attracting him into your life check out my breakup consulting services.