There can be two major outcomes of a breakup. You either become sad, depressed and desperate or in the end you come out of it with positive energy.
It is rather easy ending up as the former category because obviously, there was (and still is) love between you both. The memories and the fact that your ex boyfriend has left from your life, can hurt like nothing else. It is only human.
However you can emerge healed from breakup, if you know ways to handle the pain. You will be fascinated by how much easier you can go trough your breakup.
Here are a few advice to help you to face these dark times ahead.
Paint him with a tarred brush
The best way to think positively about the breakup is to frame him. Ignore the fact that you also would have made some mistakes. After all, it’s your perspective, so leave yourself and paint him instead in “nasty” colors.
It helps if you begin to think how possessive and obsessive he was; and then think some more.
The general irritants
He may have been too loud, too egoistic, too fussy, too punctual and a football-freak. He may have liked the idea of jumping into your personal space; intruding you in zones you liked to be alone.
He may have back-stabbed (verbally) your mutual friends, denounced all your friends and stated clearly that you should change yourself regarding important ideas, values.
He may have been paranoid, way to jealous or a limited thinker.
Mooting over the ‘whys’
Now every person has a few whims and loves to live by them. These are their source of comfort; of strength.
You get irritated when your ex boyfriend begins to point mistakes in that. “Why do you sleep so much? Why do you prefer spending your leisure time in books? Why do you spend so much time on your dressing table? Why don’t you be more open to my friends?
There are so many ‘whys’ that irritate.
Let the negatives surface
When you re-chart his traits, you will find that there were so many foolishness you just ignored because you were in love.
Once the initial spark settled in, the follies came out clear and became the principle reasons for your breakup. Glorify the negatives and filter away the positives and you will soon paint such a picture of him that you won’t feel at all pained at breaking from him.
Assess yourself but not too strictly
Of course, you also would have made your share of mistakes. Nobody is perfect. It will not help, though, to harp too much on them.
Everyone has an individuality that cannot completely whisk off. Yes, if some of your traits are too irritating, try improving or correcting them.
Do not, however, mull over a complete change. In your attempt to turn over an entirely new leaf, you may end up losing yourself.
Talk to your friends
In case you are bothered about the breakup or unsure whether you took the right decision, consult your friends. They can be a major source of comfort.
When they confirm that your ex boyfriend didn’t merit your love or attention and they found him unsuited and irritating, it will make your heart grow fonder. (even if you want him back)
When your breakup decision will get attested by a third party, notably close friends, you feel a lot better, relieved and justified.
Place the blame on him
You should not however blame you singly for the breakup. It will automatically put your other half in better light.
Blame him almost squarely for the breakup. (temporarily, only in the beginning) Commit to yourself that the relation was your biggest mistake in the first place, but humans err. Think of the quality time you have wasted in his company and how ridiculous you were in doing so.
This will make you realize that you are in for good times now. The pain element will almost vanish.
Put his traits in writing
For clarity and convenience, write down his positive and negative qualities on two separate columns. When you write your thoughts, they become definite and specific. Something like the following will do:
|Positive qualities||Negative qualities|
|He is handsome/beautiful||He is too talkative|
|He is extremely warm||He is too possessive|
|He is a passionate lover||He is sort of a flirt|
|He is a good talker||He has a foul temper|
|He takes to your family well||He often loses control of her language|
|He is too melodramatic; weepy|
|He is a cleanliness freak|
|He is more methodical than you can bear|
|He does not like intellectual talk.|
|He is too snoopy.|
|He is too touchy|
|He is too overbearing; dominant|
|He doesn’t take jokes or comments against her sportingly|
|He is a back-stabber/bitch|
|You can add your own comments here|
Stay active; stay fresh
The best way to stay positive and not get bogged down by his thoughts is to stay active. They say, an idle mind is a devil’s workshop!
Engage yourself in your official capacity; work on hobbies and find some good pastimes, say, reading, gardening or painting. Try and cultivate warm thoughts and think of ways in which you can better your work in all spheres.
You will find that the effort will dominate your time and leave you very little time to contemplate his absence. Needless to say, this will also bring marked improvement at office or in your pastimes. So get going!