The answer to what is the most excruciating type of pain. A person can go through may vary from person to person. However, if you have recently broken up with your ex-boyfriend, you may find yourself standing at this point.
Romantic relationships do not dissolute easily, especially if you have a long journey together behind you.
Breakups are painful, and while some may find themselves sunk deep in depression, anxiety, and misery. Several opt to find an escape route from the emotional turmoil that follows a breakup, known as a rebound relationship.
Rebound Relationship – An Escape Route from Pain
A rebound relationship, according to researchers Brumbaugh & Fraley in their research conducted in 2015. They defined it a relationship that initiates immediately after ending of a previous one, but without complete healing of the feelings attached with it.
Such relationships often start after ending of a long-term love affair, of a serious nature, involving a lot of emotional attachment. Such relationships are more than often, taken up as a refuge against the pain that results owing to the breakup.
Why Your Ex-Boyfriend Would Be In A Rebound Relationship
Breakups are heart-wrenching, for you and your boyfriend. However, while one partner may be more mature in dealing with the pain of a breakup. The other may be in a state of denial, anger, and experiencing several other distressed emotions.
Your ex-boyfriend could literally act impulsively and be in an emotional state of turmoil. He might end up making decisions that are not well thought off, or logical in any way.
The only thing your ex-boyfriend may be thinking of is how to overcome the suffering and how to get over the loss, grief and emotional distress he is facing.
It is normal to end up in a new relationship, as generally after a breakup, craving for attention and wanting someone to care for you is a common behavior.
Such relationship; however, according to the study of Spielmann, Joel, MacDonald, and Kogan, published in 2012. It is titled “Ex Appeal: Current Relationship Quality and Emotional Attachment to Ex-Partners”. It can prove to be detrimental for everyone involved in such a relationship.
So how can you know whether your ex-boyfriend is in a rebound relationship? Stop driving yourself crazy over thinking whether he is or not in a rebound relationship. Follow the indications listed below to analyze the kind of relationship your ex-boyfriend is currently living through.
Indications That Your Ex Boyfriend Is In A Rebound Relationship
- How Quick Was He in Finding a New Partner
This is probably one of the most obvious and quickest ways of assessing whether or not your boyfriend is in a rebound relationship. If he jumped into a new relationship within a couple of weeks after breaking up with you, there is an accelerated chance that it is a rebound one.
It is literally impossible for someone to find a new partner this quickly and easily. Especially if you have had a long and deep relationship, both the people involved require a lot of time to overcome the love and emotion attached with such a meaningful relationship.
It is emotionally impossible for your ex-boyfriend to get over a relationship in a couple of week’s time.
According to a study conducted by Shimek and Bello in 2014 titled “Coping With Break-Ups: Rebound Relationships And Gender Socialization” it was found that owing to emotional attachments men have with their ex-partners, coupled with their ludic nature, men are more prone to entering a rebound relationship, compared to women.
The research also presented the findings that such rebound relationships are superficial in nature and occur very shortly after the termination of a previous relationship.
Although the time taken to start a new relationship is more then often, a sure shot sign of whether or not it is a rebound relationship; however, if in any doubt, assess this sign in conjunction with the other signs mentioned below.
- How Long Has He Been Dating The New Girl
Again, if your ex-boyfriend has been dating a new girl for just a few weeks now, there is a high probability that it is a rebound relationship. Anything that goes on for more than 5 months, is less likely to be a rebound relationship.
Nothing serious ever develops in a relationship that has just formed a few weeks or even a few months before.
You actually need to know a person inside out in order to feel anything genuine, and that takes time, often a lot of time.
- How Similar Is Your Ex Boyfriend’s New Girl to You
You were in a long relationship and both of you absolutely admired each other. The feelings are comfortable enough to share everything and never regret it. One thing that this clearly states is that your ex-boyfriend loved you as you were. Your duty is to define the kind of women he liked, loved and preferred over others.
Now if your ex-boyfriend, after the break up is dating a girl that is absolutely different from what you are, chances are very high that he is in a rebound relationship.
Your ex-boyfriend, to overcome the pain he feels against your loss in his life. He can compensate through dating someone who is totally different from you.
Your ex-boyfriend attempts to forget about you through opting for a girl that is nothing like you (remember you were his choice, and he preferred you in every way), he consoles himself through thinking that someone who is different from you will divert his attention from you. It is his attempt to overcome his likeness for you.
One thing that he does not understand is that if you enjoy sweet food, you cannot survive on savory for long.
Entering a relationship with someone with whom you are not compatible or comfortable with, will ultimately lead to termination of that relationship in future. And since your ex-boyfriend was very comfortable with you, the probability of him being comfortable with someone that is nothing like you is very low.
Generally, people enter rebound relationships to forget about their ex-partners, and selecting someone opposite of their previous partner, is a sure sign of it being a rebound relationship.
- How Fast is Your Ex-Boyfriend’s New Relationship Moving On
This is yet again a very important indicator that reflects a rebound relationship. It also offers tons of important signs about your ex-boyfriend.
If his new relationship seems to progress too fast, this may be an indicator that he is in a definite rebound relation.
While at the start, this indicator may not seem very logical, as any relationship that moves fast can be a good sign.
Keeping the entire scenario in mind; however, a single person is incapable of ending a good relationship and instantly getting involved into another at top speed. People do meet other people that prove to be good mates for life however, this always happens over time.
Instantly rushing into a relationship almost always is a guaranteed agreement to ending that relationship. The faster it progresses, the sooner it ends!
You can pick signs of how fast the relationship is building through:
- taking cues from social media
- from friends
- how your ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend act in front of you.
Also signs of how obvious your ex-boyfriend seems about his new relationship on social media, or around mutual friends you too had. This is another cue of judging whether the relationship is a rebound or not, discussed next.
- How Does Your Ex-Boyfriend React When you Are Around
Your ex-boyfriend’s attitude when you are around, speak abound about the nature of the relationship he has with the new girl.
If you find him rubbing his new relationship on your face, or act as if he is head over heels in love with the new partner, this is one big glaring sign of a rebound relationship.
First things first, if he is going through the hassle of letting you know about his relationship and trying to prove he is very happy, he is certainly not over you yet.
He still thinks of you, and thus is not sincere with his date. A sure shot case of a rebound relation!
Well you know what this means, YOU ARE STILL GOING HOT!
There is also another aspect to this indicator.
Sometimes your ex-boyfriend may also hide his new relationship from you. This does not mean that he is necessarily in a serious relationship.
At times, in order to avoid your extreme reaction (if you have had reacted violently to any such incident in the past) or sometimes just to keep his option of returning back to you open. Your ex-boyfriend may choose to hide his new relationship from you.
He may be in a rebound relationship to escape the pain. He also realizes that he will ultimately be coming back to you and wants you to accept him back as well.
So picking this one up may be a tricky part!
Remember, while these indicators may allow you to analyze what lies underneath the actions of your ex-boyfriend. It is you who can assess what he actually means by his actions and words. You know him better than anyone else. Be aware of how he reacts to things and what his actions say about him!
How Long Will The Rebound Relationship Last?
After assessing the nature of your ex-boyfriend’s relationship, and determining that he is indeed going through a rebound relationship. The next step would be to know how long that relationship will last.
Averagely the success rate of a rebound relationship is nearly zero. More than 90% end without any involvement from the rebounder, and a probable heartbreak for the other person.
Generally, without any interference from the outside, a rebound relationship will last whenever one of the two involved realize there is nothing in that relationship. Or when finally the person who broke up with someone earlier on and entered the relation, will either come over or yearn badly for the previous partner and end the new relationship formed as a rebound.
It is according to our observations and limited research data available. The average time for a rebound relationship to last is between 2 and 5 months. (But this is obviously not an established timeframe)
Remember, the stronger the bond you two shared, the sooner he will be coming back to you.
What Are The Chances Of Him Coming Back To Me
Remember, sometimes making up is as simple as realizing the mistakes, based on which you two broke up initially.
We advice or clients that after the end of the No Contact period you two have to talk out any misunderstanding that may be the reason of a breakup. However, if your ex-boyfriend is still not ready to hear anything, the best strategy to follow is giving him what he wants – more time… while you can focus more on your self-improvement!
He will over time realize your importance. Once he starts missing you when you are not around!
Remember you are not the only one insecure as to what he might be doing, or that he might forget you for good! He too shares these fears. Especially if you can showcase that you have new male orbiters. His potential competitors.
If you’re looking out to win your ex-boyfriends back, you need to invest the breakup time into developing yourself in a positive and lasting manner (a real challenge). You can be sure that in some way that will be preferred by him as well, as this will serve as the CORE stimulus that will win him back.
How Soon Should You Act?
A study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology, where researchers Gary Lewandowski & Nicole Bizzoco conducted an experiment with 155 individuals investigating their breakups that occurred in a period of six months.
They found that averagely it takes 11 weeks or roughly three months for an individual to bounce back from the pain of a breakup.
This was; however, a finding true for a relatively short-term relationship that has been going on for three years or less.
Stronger and more developed relations, such as marriages that lived over five years, required a good 2 years, at least for the person to recover from the divorce.
Considering the time frame suggested in the study above, if you are out to win your man back, you don’t need to wait very long.
Although an initial period of silence from your side is recommended of course so that your ex-boyfriend gets the time to analyze your importance, chances are he is suffering and wants you back badly, but his hesitation can be also owed to the fear of being rejected again.
This is the point where the need to give signs that you are still into him and are ready to take him back.
It is possible that you are not in touch with him personally. You will find many clues. He may leave through friends, or on the social media. It might be possible even to you when you accidentally run into each other.
If your ex-boyfriend is:
- keeping in touch with you
- he tries to talk to you even after breaking up
- after a few weeks, he returns to your place to get his stuff back
…these are all signs that he is still into you and wants you back.
Also, if your ex-boyfriend finds it hard to have eye contact with you when the two of you talking. Or he comes up to you and asks if you are okay with him dating someone else. All signs indicate that you are still the central focus of his world. He is regretting leaving you and wants you to make a move. He may give a hint at least so that he could move forward.
Researchers studied the reasons behind the breakup of couples, who got back together later. They revealed that it was when they finally decided that they would leave their ex-partner behind and start a new relationship. Move on when their ex-boyfriend popped up again into their lives, even stronger than before.
So cheer up! And look out for signs in your ex-boyfriend’s behavior. It will define how probable he is to come back to you. And what extent can he go in hiding that feeling from you?
Rebound relationships are a normal behavior. Many men display at the time of a breakup, and unless he was a characterless douchebag from the start. The chances are a rebound relationship will end up in him realizing your importance in his life!
Sometimes, these glitches in a relationship end up proving the worth of partners to each other. And if the two of you are made for each other and you are able to move beyond the past, it’s highly possible that the rebound relationship can’t yield any result that could even match the compatibility the two of you share.
Sometimes overwhelmed by emotions, ex-boyfriends tend to do stupid things, things that they know would upset you, only to feel sorry at the end and come back to you and enjoy a healthy and prosperous relationship with your unique personality.