Your boyfriend has left you and he doesn’t seem to soften. You have perhaps made a mistake, so he had to leave you, or you feel that the spark between you two has vanished.
Now you can either sit back and feel sorry for yourself, or you can take a positive step and try getting him back and make him regret leaving you. After all, you were together for months or years, and shared days of happiness. It cannot altogether disappear from his memories.
There is a great chance he will regret your absence if you play the game and in the right way. Below are certain tips that should help you achieve your goal.
#1 Avoid listening to your heart and instincts after the breakup
They have the tendency to make you feel sad, lonely and jealous (especially if you feel he has left you for another girl).
Although your instincts suggest millions of foolish ideas you should send him in the form of text messages, e-mails and such, at this point it is crucial not to do anything rash. Control your emotions, stay strong and do not go begging him at all, do not create the image of a desperate, needy person.
This is hard to do but keeping quiet at this stage of the game is vital. Believe in your personal value, in the power of your love.
#2. Give him time to miss you: apply the No Contact rule to him
This is one of the most important of the first steps you have to take. I mean the No Contact rule.
You probably heard this before, but this is because the scientifically tested physiological threshold of missing the other person the most is 4 weeks. That means that his feelings of missing you will reach the melting point roughly after a month. (In case of general breakups.)
Try and sincerely avoid all contacts: be it on Facebook, by mails, by text messages, by WhatsApp or phone calls. When you reinforce the fact that this time you are avoiding him, he will most likely feel your absence.
Resisting your natural instinct to call him may be the hardest challenge to endure, but if you can resist the urge to call him back, he will start to miss you more than ever. We want what we can’t have.
Not to mention that he will start imagining things. Things like: you’re out on a date with a new guy, or you’re hitting the clubs with your friends and meeting new people, or where are you now, and what are you doing, more importantly with who you are doing it with.
So, take things slowly. When you leave him alone, without bothering him now and then, he will slowly, but surely begin to miss you. The reasons for your separation will suddenly seem frivolous to him.
The No Contact period can be a great opportunity for you to reflect on the causes of the breakup. Click here to learn more about all the benefits of the No Contact rule.
In this silent period, you should ponder upon the things that went wrong in the relationship. Be honest to yourself, and try to find out why it has ended, so if you two get together again, you don’t make the same mistakes.
You can also use this time to work out a game plan (we can help you with that), what you can carefully apply in the following period.
#3 Do not complain
You may feel that he has vented his feelings and the reason for your separation to everyone he has met, but it may not be the case. Thus, it is better to reserve your emotions and not share it with mutual friends.
Gossiping with your best friends may seem unavoidable, but consider this: talking about the breakup, and reliving it constantly may only amplify the pain and confusion felt over the split.
Not to mention that the advices, opinions you may get from your confidants can also make the confusion in you worse. The best strategy you can use is to try to take the issue with a classy attitude, be generous, and don’t blacken your ex, even if he was the reason for the separation. Because you will only make things worse for yourself too.
#4 Try to remain natural
Carry on with your daily work; your vocation. Indulge in activities that you normally do.
Meet mutual friends with as much regularity as you would before the breakup. He will get to know and feel that your life is not perturbed by the split and your wholesomeness will make him regret letting you go.
You can also open up for new friendships, and why not?… possible new dates, which can boost your confidence in this time. But if you don’t really feel like it, don’t engage in serious relationships, keep a safe distance from your dating partner. But a little flirting doesn’t hurt. On the contrary: it’s good.
Post breakup, there is generally a period when there is too much angst and anger. Remember not to chase your ex-boyfriend in any way in that time. Give him his time and space. Let him gather his emotions. He will begin to realize that your company and love was a positive addition to his life and still can be.
Whenever you get in contact with him (say, if you work in the same company or at a mutual friend’s party), show that you are having a great time.
Mingle with friends and try to get into long conversations. Avoid talking in monosyllables if you can. He will feel piqued inside by this positive attitude and realize that you have value. After all, you have taken this separation with relative ease.
#5 Create internal and external changes in yourself
If you look your best and – even better – if you can go beyond, you will feel confident, and thus very attractive… and self-perception is reality! True confidence is a state of mind, but your look can help with it.
But note, you also have to improve your inner self. You might have thought deprecatory thoughts about yourself while grieving the breakup, perhaps uttered them, and now your self-esteem is in ruins. You shouldn’t do that. Instead you need to improve your self-esteem.
You can do that with saying out loud the following daily affirmations: “I am of high value to myself! I am loveable! I have the right to make mistakes, that is one of the ways I learn!”.
Another thing you can do is to think about something your ex-boyfriend didn’t like in you, and then change that. Work on it.
In this time, it’s also important to take care of your health. You may feel like not eating, or not sleeping due to the heartache, but this can seriously affect your health. Be conscious and be good to yourself in these times of pain, insecurity and confusion.
#6 Turn yourself into a challenge for him
You have to “upgrade” yourself both internally and externally. You have to make yourself more attractive.
Go ahead and read books that help you with personal development. Get a new haircut, buy a fabulous dress. Go for an impressive makeover.
These things all contribute to the new you, to a more confident, more radiating and exciting person. A woman, who is a real prize for any man, who can win you. The goal is to adapt the mindset of you being the prize, and not him. It is he who should go after you, and not vice versa.
Make him feel that you are not missing him or that you are not going overboard to contact him. When he finds that you are happy without him, he will realize that he is not quite happy without you. That is when he will rue leaving you and that is how you win him back.
#7 Find an attractive hobby
There are so many wonderful things you can do in your spare time. You can go to dance classes, yoga-courses, you can start painting, cooking, learning the art of patchwork. These are hobbies that will help you take your mind off your grief felt over the breakup.
Not only will they enrich your life, but they will also give you confidence, and help you heal, and that is extremely important, when you decide to try to entice your ex-boyfriend back.
Oh, and don’t forget to showcase your talent on social media. Let your ex-boyfriend see what a treasure he has lost in your person.
#8 Turn social media into an asset to influence his perception of you
Now that you have used the “me time” effectively, and you have turned yourself into an “upgraded” version of you, you have all the right to flaunt your new and fresh style on your social media profiles.
Post and share only positive and joyful things, showcasing your newly improved exciting life. He will definitely notice the changes and will be ever more curious of your posts and photos.
However, control yourself when you feel the impulse to send him an indirect message through love related posts. You can’t share anything sad or negative, because negative people are not attractive… so avoid at all cost posting melancholic and depressing messages on your timeline. Only positive stuff.
This will create the impression of you being happy and cheerful. Crucial step in making him realize that you can be happy without him, since the fear of losing you will amplify in him.
#9 Go on exotic vacation where you two planned to go
The idea here is to make him wish that he was the one with you on that awesome trip. If you have the chance to visit places where you always wanted to go with him, now is the perfect time to do it. And of course, post the best moment pictures from your trip.
#10 Write a card invoking old memories
Once the No Contact period has passed without any advance from your part or his, send him a card which elegantly suggests that you would like to see him.
Rest assured that all this time, he has already assessed his situation and the absolute worth of you. Tell him about your common memories in an indirect way. This will suggest him that you two should not be apart.
Give him a chance to return to you with his pride intact. Chances are high that he will want to return into your life.
#11 Go to the same places he goes
After the No Contact period (at least one whole month) you can attempt to make your move. You probably remember the places he loved to go, pubs, restaurants, clubs…
Dress up accordingly, and flaunt yourself in those places together with friends. Let him see how you’ve changed.
Just act casually, say hi, but if he doesn’t send you signals, that he wants to engage into a conversation with you, don’t force it. Give him space, do not be an intruder, that would ruin the game.
#12 Make him jealous
You can also try to make him jealous. If he still has feelings for you, he will not tolerate with unblinking eye the sight of you getting on the dance floor with another guy.
Talk to other men and smile a lot. Let him see you flirting with somebody, and secretly check your ex-boyfriend’s gestures. If he keeps looking at you, and seems slightly disturbed, you won.
But do not go too far with this tip. Caution is recommended. Firstly, because it’s not ethical to “use” somebody for your own purposes like this, not minding that you might hurt his feelings.
And secondly, this move might backfire: your ex-boyfriend might think that you are getting into a serious relationship and might back off.
#13 Start fresh
Once you meet (ensure that you meet at a fresh place), don’t start with the breakup issues, start fresh, forgetting the past misgivings. Start completely over, and do not dwell in the past.
There is no point bringing out where you erred and where he did.
Both of you have follies (it is human to have follies) so promise each other that you will accept each other’s weakness as it is. Let life begin afresh and together.
There are many relationships which break up for good because the attempts at restoring the relation were too flimsy or dramatic. It is better to use your head and let his conscience make the decision. Don’t shove it on him by calling or texting him endless number of times.
Try to be positive and let him think freely.