So, you’ve just been through a breakup, and you are absolutely sure, that he’s the ONE for you, and you want him back? Wipe your tears, put aside the pain and turmoil in your heart, and read this post.
By the time you get to the end of it, you will probably experience feelings of hope, that you might get your ex-boyfriend back. How? With the help of text messages.
Text messages are the fastest way to start to rebuild connection with your ex.
WARNING: it’s important to note, that they are not the only strategy you should put in into getting your ex boyfriend or husband back. But they are a great way to build rapport, rekindle feelings of attraction and trust with him.
However, texting immediately after the breakup is a very bad idea. You must apply the text messages only after the no contact period, which can last from 30 days until 2-3 months in the case of nasty breakups.
In this period, you must abstain from contacting your ex in any kind of way. (No Facebook stalking either!) Let him have his privacy and space. This period applies even if your ex calls you or texts you. Do not respond. Let him miss you first.
You need to shift the power in the relationship so that you are in control.
Give your ex time to think about you on their own, and feel what it’s like without you. This no contact period helps him to forget about the negative aspects of your relationship or your breakup.
After the breakup, when roughly thirty days passed, we tend to remember only the good times, and forget the bad. Let all bad memories fade and possible anger subside.
Here’s a wacky idea. If you can’t keep your hands off your phone, and you feel the urge to contact your ex in some way, give his contact info to someone you trust. You must implement this first and foremost rule, the rule of the no contact. Remember, at least thirty days have to pass before sending the first text message.
If you are wise, you can use the no contact period for your betterment. It is a great chance for you to get yourself in shape physically, mentally and emotionally.
Because you have to work on yourself before contacting your ex with text messages. In these thirty days, you can (you must) mourn your relationship, you must forgive yourself and your ex, and what’s most important, you must build up your self-esteem.
You have to think about yourself as somebody who is valuable. You must make positive changes in your behaviour, your habits and way of thinking. So first focus on yourself, all the while hoping, that you will get a second chance from your ex.
Before sending one single text, you also must be resolved that you don’t want to copy your past relationship. Make sure that you want to create a new and better relationship with your ex. Start fresh and do not look backwards!
What are the advantages of text messages?
Well, if you do it properly, the right kind of text messages make him wonder, what you are doing and why are you contacting him. Another advantage of texting is, that this way you can avoid intense, face to face conversations, and the text messages do not invade his privacy.
Also, it generates excitement and not tension. Texting is almost like telepathy, it’s an intimate exchange of thoughts, and you have plenty of time to think about what you want to say, you have time to formulate and round your ideas well, there is no time pressure.
Here’s a simple, but important advice: always read your texts at least three times before you push the send button. Only after you re-read it carefully are you allowed to communicate them to your ex.
Possible mistakes in the strategy of getting your ex back with the help of text messages
You can’t just send any kind of message. If you don’t choose the right words, the text message might backfire, and might push him away even further from you. You might lose connection with him. So, don’t make mistakes.
For example: don’t text your feelings. Like: “You broke my heart”. Angry or hateful texts are also considered a mistake. These will scare off your ex boyfriend or husband.
But if you already sent them, you need to correct the situation. You can do this by not contacting him for a while. Give him time to forget about your bad steps, and perhaps even start to miss the good times.
You can also send an apology text, like: “Sorry, things have been a little messy in my life lately on top of this breakup, and I lost control. Wish you luck!”.
These kinds of texts will neutralize the angry feelings in your ex. Also, you must be resolved, that you will not send any negative texts in the future. Stick to this golden rule, don’t be aggressive and needy with your texts.
Lame texts like: “Hi, what’s up?” are also something to avoid. They do not generate attraction in your ex-boyfriend, they just make you seem boring. Formulating texts in which you beg for him to take you back will not lead to success either, they make you seem needy and pathetic, don’t do them.
Using sarcasm in your texting might lead to miscommunication. It’s best to avoid using it. If you don’t understand something or it’s confusing, best is to ask clearly what he meant. If it is a serious issue, then call him.
Should you text him on birthdays or special occasions?
During the no contact period, you should not text him on his birthday. Because eventually these kinds of messages do not accomplish anything, what’s more, he might think that you are using the opportunity to get back in touch with him. If you must send a text on a special occasion, keep it short and make it to the point. For example: “Happy birthday! Hope, you have a great day!”. Nothing more.
Don’t try to start a conversation with him. If he responds, answer positively, but do not give a reason to extend the conversation.
A practical issue is what kind of app should you use. Well, use the one, you know your ex is using. Make sure, you can send Gifs. With the help of Gifs and memes you can make references to things incorporated in your message, and they are good for an occasional laugh.
Laughs lighten up the atmosphere. So, this is the direction you want to go.
So, let’s get into the strategy of how to use text messages to get your ex-boyfriend or husband back.
Text messaging is an important tool to rebuild attraction and connection with the ex after a breakup, and their aim should be to make the transition from the no contact period to phone calls and eventually a date.
But this transition has to happen very slowly. Don’t rush things, this is very important. You must increase the number of text messages in such a slow manner that he won’t notice. It all has to seem totally natural.
Of course, you want to achieve frequency in the text messaging, but the process of the transition from one text a day to many texts per day, what’s more, a phone call, will not happen overnight. You must have patience, and what’s most important: you must not give up!
You must be willing to persevere, no matter how hard it is.
Also, to successfully use text messages to get your ex-boyfriend back, it is necessary to be attentive to what’s happening in the moment, you have to be alert to possibilities, and make the right move in the right time. Trust your gut instincts.
How often should you text your ex-boyfriend or husband?
Here is a simple outline of the frequency of the text messages from the first day to day fifteen.
• In days one and two you should send two texts per day
• In day three there should be no texting.
• In days four and five you should double the number of texts, so send four texts per day.
• On days six and seven you should send six texts
• Day eight and day nine increase this number with two, send eight texts each day.
• Days ten and eleven you should send ten texts.
• By days twelve and thirteen the number of texts should be twelve texts
• On day fourteen you can send fourteen texts
• …and by day fifteen you should reach a frequency of fifteen plus text messages
These are only the texts that you send. (of course only if you have things to say and your conversation goes seamlessly back and forth) You can’t come out as needy or validation seeker.
If your ex doesn’t reply to your texts, then you are not allowed to move on with the number of texts. Instead you should stick to the level you are at, and only after your ex responds should you move to the next level, and continue increasing the frequency.
The first text messages
In order to formulate the first text messages, you need to think back on your relationship, and gather “material” for them. By material I mean everything the two of you have been through, everything you enjoyed. Think of the things that you two shared in relation to music, politics, passions, religion, kids, hobbies, etc.
Pull out a sheet of paper, and make a list of the best experiences you shared. Make a whole arsenal of conversation starters. These could be: adventures, your story of origin as a couple, romantic experiences, or even bad things you two had been through.
The first text message, that you send after the general thirty days of no contact period we shall call the:
This we use to set the tone for the coming conversation. Its goal should be to make him start to think about you in a positive way, and to establish rapport with him.
Just keep it light, and make it easy for your ex to want to respond positively, don’t do anything that requires him to do emotional or intellectual work. Make him think about you in a positive way.
Let’s see a few examples for this kind of texts: (Note: you can adapt these to your situation.)
1. “Hey, (your favourite song) just came on the radio! Reminds me of how we loved this song.”
2. “I was taking a trip in the forest, and I saw a squirrel. Reminded me of you. I know it’s your favourite animal.”
3. “Imagine, (a mutual friend) called me today, and we started talking about the fun times we had together on our trip to Greece. Sure miss those times.”
These are great contact jumpstart messages because they are light, not demanding a reply, and also you are not being pushy or aggressive. You are just letting him know, that you are still thinking about him.
With these type of texts, you are laying the foundation for coming conversations. Do not ask him to meet or talk with you. This is not yet the right time. Be positive, be cool, be confident, and expect nothing.
There’s no need to get upset, and start demanding an answer, even if he does not respond. I understand that you are nervous, even super nervous at this point, but try your best, to shift your focus onto something else, instead of wondering why he is not responding.
Let’s see some possible scenarios.
• You get a negative answer. Then apologize quickly and wait another week, or another thirty days. Perhaps you need to give him more time.
• You receive no answer. This is not necessarily a bad thing. Wait at least four days, and then try another Smoke Signal text.
• Neutral answer. You end the conversation, then proceed to the next text type. Don’t forget: that one who has the last word, has the power. You need to be in control.
• You have to try to end the conversation yourself even if you receive a positive answer. This way you make him want you and miss you more. Send an equally positive message, but tone down the enthusiasm a bit.
Actually, as you have seen, on the first two days two text messages are recommended. The goal of the second message should be to end the conversation in a friendly manner. There shouldn’t be any ill will in this message.
An example: “Hey, I don’t want to cut our conversation short, but I am being called into a meeting. Rain check?”
With this ending, you are gently signalling that you are going to contact him again in the future.
As an alternative to the Smoke Signal you can try the RGTM (Really Good Text Message) type as the first text after the no contact period. By “really good” I mean, you have to write the best text message ever.
It has to be an exciting, positive, funny text, packed into an average medium size. What’s vital about it, besides the fact that it requires from you to be a good storyteller, is for you to know what your ex likes.
You have to create a story around something you know that he likes, be that music, sports, outdoor activities, anything you know he’s into. If you don’t have a story, make one up. Because this text has to have some sensation to it. You have to craft this text in a way that your ex would want to respond to it.
Even if just to prove you wrong.
Let’s see some examples:
1. “Your favourite song came on the radio, and my parrot just started to say your name. Guess, I’m not the only one, who thinks about you.”
2. “I was on a party and you wouldn’t believe who I saw kissing another man than her boyfriend. Our mutual friend: (name of the friend).”
If you have received at least one positive answer to any of these first text messages, you can move on to the next text type, which is the:
These are designed to help you to get closer to your ex after the initial contact was made. They are designed to rekindle the flame in your ex’s heart by making them remember the magical times with you.
This type of texts will reopen the positive communication with him. Thus, your ex will think about you more and more and in a positive way. They will minimize the intensity of the negative feelings in your ex towards you, and it will enhance the positive ones.
How to master this kind of texts? By bringing up past experiences, and using detailed language.
Remember, you want to plant in your ex’s mind positive thoughts and emotions associated with you. Make him remember something you did together which was fun or sensational in some way.
Let’s see some concrete examples:
1. “Remember when we went to that boat trip to (name of the town) with my dog? It was a hot day and we bought ice-cream for him too. How much fun that was…”
2. “Remember when we ordered for each other in that restaurant? You always knew what I liked to eat.”
3. “Hey, can you tell me the name of that restaurant we went to on your thirty-fifth birthday?”
This last text will make him remember the day you were there, and it’s also very easy for him to give you a quick reply.
It’s important to realize, that when you ask your ex to remember something, his subconscious is going to access those old memories, whether he wants it or not. This is a very powerful tool in your hands. So, remember to send him only texts about great times you two had together.
In the case of negative response, do not respond equally negatively. Just be polite and friendly.
The following element of the strategy of how to use text messages to get your ex-boyfriend or husband back is going to sound a little weird. Use jealousy to get his blood boiling. We shall call this text type:
Firstly, I must warn you, that if jealousy was an issue in your unique breakup or your relationship, then using the green text is not a good idea. There are pros and cons concerning this text type, but if you use it carefully, you can achieve great results. At the basis of this kind of text is social proof. You can use this phenomena to your advantage.
Why jealousy works?
It goes like this. If your ex knows, you are hit on by important and attractive people, he will most likely feel a horrible, sudden pain of jealousy, and will start doubting the whole breakup. Making him jealous will help to raise your personal value.
But you have to actually date someone, even if just on a superficial level. It would be risky to lie about this.
What is jealousy?
Here is the definition of the word:
“Jealousy is an emotion, and the word typically refers to the thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, concern and anxiety over an anticipated loss or status of something of great personal value, particularly in reference to a human connection.”
So, if you generate jealousy in him, that means that he cares for you, and also fears to lose you. This is why I recommend that you incorporate this kind of text messages in your strategy of how to use text messages to get your ex-boyfriend back.
Use this kind of texts if you and your ex are already talking for a while using text messages, and use it carefully. You have to be subtle. Very subtle.
Here are a few examples.
1. “I just saw an amazing play in the theatre with a friend. You should go see it, I think you would like it.”
2. “Hey, did I see you at the (name of the singer/band) concert? If I did… you look very good.”
In the first one, you “incidentally” mention, that you saw the play, with a friend. You wisely keep it as a secret if it was a male or a female friend. And in the second one you are actually having a night-out, probably with friends.
You see the point?
These texts reveal to your ex, that you are not home alone, crying about the breakup, but you have an active social life, and you are even seeing new people.
They are designed to make you seem like an attractive person, who is outgoing and is fun to be around. They make you seem to be all right, also all right with the breakup.
With these kinds of texts, we are using a powerful element of human psychology to get your ex boyfriend thinking positive things about you, so use it with care.
Slowly we are advancing in the direction of a meetup.
But before I go into explaining the know-how of the transition from text messaging to a date, I must let you in on an important issue concerning the whole strategy of getting your ex back with the help of text messages.
Perhaps you are in a position where you can’t implement all the above-mentioned text types, because your breakup was a nasty one. Let’s suppose, your ex’s last words were that he hates your guts, and he never wants you to contact him ever again.
What to do then?
You have to use the Fresh Start type of text message.
Because if you are in the above-mentioned position, then you can’t act as if nothing happened, and just casually start using the text message types we covered in this article. You have to clear the slate first, and start fresh.
So, in this kind of text you must apologize to him for whatever you did.
• sending hateful texts
• acting needy
• desperate, even stalky
• and so on.
You have to make him forgive you. Mention, that you have accepted the breakup, and you have made steps to change for the better.
1. “I understand your feelings. I am sorry for acting the way I did. I learnt from past mistakes, and I started to work up the breakup. I think we need some time before we can talk to each other calmly. I hope you know, that I will always want what’s best for you.”
2. “Sorry for not being with you, when you needed me. You are right, I was selfish. But I am trying to change. I learnt from the mistakes. Hope we can speak soon. Wish you all the best.”
After you’ve sent these kind of negotiating texts, you must not contact him for at least a week or two. Only after things have calmed down can you move on to the other text types
The transition to a phone call
During the no contact period, you have waited patiently, you have built up self-esteem, and during the texting period you have built rapport with the ONE ex. Very good.
If you’ve used the strategy detailed in this guide successfully, then at a certain point the moment to ask for a phone call will arrive.
Of course, this must happen after you and your ex have been texting each other for a while, at least for one-two weeks. When you feel, the time is right, grab the opportunity, and ask for a phone call.
In this text message, or messages, tell a story. A relatively long, compelling story.
After you have exchanged a few messages, and you feel, that your ex is interested, simply say something like this:
“Hey, can I call you to finish this? I’m kind of tired of texting”. It’s that easy. Just be cool and confident about it.
And eventually the time must come, when you need to meet up with your ex. You can also achieve this with the help of text messages.
How to ask for a meetup?
You can’t just say: “Hey, do you want to hang out this evening?”.
You need to give him a believable reason. The best way, to ask him for a date is if you ask for his help.
First you present him the situation in which he could help you, and then insert: “… can we grab a quick coffee (name of the day)? I would really appreciate it.”
At this point, on the date you just talk and act friendly. Don’t try to be romantic and seduce your ex, because the time for that has not yet come. And when it comes, it has to be from his part.
After the date send a text in which you tell him, that you had a nice time with him. Send him appreciative texts, and you will start receiving some too. That’s the way it works.
Remember, no matter how hurtful your breakup was, most of the time you have hope to get him back. Take a shot with this strategy. But if you feel that your ex has definitely moved on, then respect his decision, and let go of the relationship. That is best for you too.
Some extra tips on how to use text messages to get your ex-boyfriend or husband back:
• Keep your replies short, but not too short to look cold
• Never bring up the hurtful past
• Don’t try to argue with him
• If your ex wants to go negative, then end the conversation and wait another week, or thirty days more
• Don’t ask if he is dating someone
• Be cool, but not cold
• Be positive
• Be confident
• Expect nothing. If you don’t get a response first, don’t get upset about it, just let it go
• If you don’t get a reply, don’t get mad and start sending a bunch of texts. You will only sabotage your plans. Don’t try to sell yourself, it won’t work.
Don’t be aggressive with your texting, because nobody likes someone, who is desperate and acting like an obsessive person.
Ready to use text message examples: (Note, you might need to adjust these to your situation)
1. Smoke Signal Text Messages:
“I am reading your favourite book. And I remembered that you read this book several times, you liked it so much.”
“I was at the museum yesterday, and I saw your favourite painting by (name of the painter). Reminded me of you and of how well you draw.”
“I got a new cat, and I was thinking how should I name her. Then I remembered your favourite name, and I named it like that.”
2. RGTM (Really Good Text Messages):
“My dog got into a fight with a cat in the park, and the cat chased him away. I could hardly find him. I can’t believe this! That cat was so small.”
“Your favourite movie just won the best picture award! Although, I don’t think it was such a huge movie… I think it’s overrated.”
“I heard that (his favourite singer) Madonna just adopted a child from a very poor family from Africa. And the parents don’t want to give the child to her. Controversial…”
3. Emotional Text Messages
“Remember how we walked and laughed in the rain, not caring that we get wet? That’s a memory I will never forget.”
“Remember how we went on a picnic in the park on your name day on April? We were so grateful for the sunshine…”
“Remember how you taught me to swim in the sea? I will never forget how patient you were with me.”
4. Green Text Messages
“A friend of mine just asked if I would be interested in a movie night. Can you give me some tips what to watch?”
“Are you still having problems with your computer? I just met a PC-whiz, and I can give you his contact info, if you need it. He’ s a genius.”
“I just got a new haircut. I feel a bit weird, but my colleague told me, it’s really cool.”
5. Fresh Start Text Messages
“I’m sorry for acting weird. This whole breakup affected me very painfully, and I didn’t know what I was doing. Things are different now. I calmed down, and I see things more objectively. It’s okay if you need some time and space before we can talk. All the best!”
“I admit, I made mistakes in the past. I hurt your feelings, you’re right. I changed, and I would never do it again. I see things differently, from your perspective. Hope we can talk in a rational manner one day.”
“I understand your indignation over how I acted when we broke up. I was hurt, and I sent those hurtful messages. I’m sorry. Things are different now. I’m learning to cope with the situation. Wish you all the best!”
ALSO SEE : 3 Steps to Survive a Breakup